So these past few weeks have been crazy and I had so many breakdowns in between...
I don't know why my emotions always swallow me...but I often find myself in a bathroom cubicle sobbing quietly, screaming silently on how I'm not happy and why I'm going through this misery.....
...but then the sobs die down and I compose myself and I think everything through and then I everything will be okay again at least for now...
...I learned so much in these past few weeks and once again I was really humbled....
I got to be reminded that sometimes I'm not aware that my actions hurt people and that alot of the stress I have on me is really just self inflicted, I was just too scared to confront myself and tell "me" that I do have a flaw, a problem...and sometimes I'm not the best in whatever I do...
..but then again I think God really loves me because He saved me again...
I find myself always wanting to learn it the hard way that I'm already hanging on a thread
but then He saves me again and again and again...
....I learned that despite my victory of being single for 6 months, a part of me is really depressed of the fact that all the men I dated and loved were wrong for me and at some point they all cheated on me...Urgh!!!cheating...I hate this word....but even if I was the victim of it, still I hope and think positively and dumbly that they will change for the better and that I did change them for the better when they were with me...but so what??what does it mean??when in the end I'm still the one left alone, I'm still the one who stands strong and watch them as they have another girl hours after....
...I also learned that inside I complain too much about everything but I won't do anything to change it because im afraid...a big part of me is scared of change...I have so much fears of the dreams I want to follow...I doubt and question myself on something I do so well....
but I want it more than anything....
....haay..i'm complicated, weird, and confused at many times...but I hope that I would change for the better..and really fight for something I've wanted for soo long...
..in time...we'll see...
