Emptying My Cup

Like this cup, you are full of opinions and speculations. To see the light of wisdom... you first must empty your cup. - 2012

I've stopped writing since my heart broke into a million pieces with an unexpected happening this year. It's weird because I used to pour my heart out on paper, whether it's in a blog or in a diary. I've been a coward to bring back memories that would hurt me all over again, because I couldn't handle the pain just yet. But as time is the greatest healer, I am getting there, hence the writing.

As I speculate on what to write for the next entry of my blog, blank thoughts come to mind since there's just so much to write about but I don't know where to start. Fortunately, a line from the recent movie I just watched (2012) organized my mind and made me decide that I will write about this year...

2.0.0.9. What more can I say about this year as it comes to an end. It is the most memorable year of my growing years. (20s) Not only has this year been exciting and fun, it has also been painful and heartbreaking. This year...the Lord emptied my cup so He can fill me up again... I wanted to learn things the hard way as stubborn as I am so He took things and people away from me...only to let me learn more about the magnitude of His love...

This year I lived without a boyfriend and I was free from the drama of men. I didn't know I could do it at first because someone always comes along, but I was prayerful that He will keep my heart at peace until I find the special person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. He taught me that true freedom happens when you can say no to yourself. Not entertaining men for one year taught me alot about self-control and letting myself know of what I am looking for. Now it's very simple...I know what kind of man I want and I won't give in to other men until I find the right one... or who knows maybe he will find me. It will just happen in His time...

I lost one of the most important people in my life this

year. It's painful. I always cry like a baby when I get my heart broken, times that with a 100 and that's how I felt when I lost my grandma. I knew life is precious and short when I held her hand on her deathbed and whispered I love you to her. I knew I didn't appreciate her much when I was buying her

first picture frame from me for her casket. I knew I didn't spend much time with her when she can't recall any memory of me when she was telling everyone elses. To this day I am still beating myself up with these regrets and it's unhealthy but I wish I could have changed things. It just made me realize how important life is and how important "family" is and that life is too short to be angry with people I love, so I live each day appreciating them more and embracing them with my love.

This year God keeps testing me with the things I fear in life. They say the things you fear are the things that happened to you before that you never want repeated again. And one of those things I've been avoiding happened. After 5 years of being injury-free, I accidentally slipped on a dance routine that I fell hard and twisted my knee. I was at that time savoring the moments of my dream coming true, I felt like a dancer before the injury. I was determined to fight for my dream even if I didn't have enough rest and I was juggling too many things. I didn't care, I was happy. But He had other plans, if injuring me was the only way I can rest and take a break from my hectic life, then He had to do it. I couldn't walk properly for 2 weeks so I had to find ways to be productive without walking. I couldn't dance for 2 months, so I focused myself with work. The old me would have been angry with the world but the new me, knew better. I didn't let this experience paralyze me. I learned to appreciate what I have more while I was incapable of doing what I love most. I learned that His plan for me was big and that I am meant for bigger things. Katrina is not just a dancer, She a dancer of God who has a heart of a mission volunteer and will always be ready to dance in God's perfect choreography of spreading His love to the whole world. He didn't take dance away from me, because I will always have it, that gift lies in my soul and I will always strive to develop it no matter how scared I am to get hurt again. I am fortunate to be blessed with people who believes in me and never gives up in supporting my dream.

This year I was confidently filled with worldly opinions and contemplations that the Lord had to empty me in so many ways but in the end my cup is always overflowing with love to give...He simply told me to love..because you lose nothing when you give love...

So "love"...and when it hurts..love even more...

Heal the World this Christmas!!!

As Ate Giella and I met up to plan for this year end celebration, the death of the 'king of pop' Michael Jackson was still hot on the news stands...and since most of the titos and titas in the community grew up with MJ songs we kept hearing the suggestions of an MJ theme this Christmas...so we kept saying 'yes po' but inside we kept trying to relate MJ to Christmas...and knew that we have a big brainstorm waiting for us...

...But there was something natural about that night as we lay on our stomachs talking and planning for a theme...that we began to understand the beauty of the lyrics of MJ's songs and relating it to the recent happenings of the world and in our personal lives...and connecting it to the most wonderful time of the year...

"heal the world" "make it a better place"..when we sing these lyrics we often think its impossible because we are only one person in the entire universe trying to make a difference so then we feel helpless

...but it was a night of clarity because we understood that "healing the world" doesnt mean to save it alone...it simply means starting to do something, anything, no matter how little impact it brings. Healing the world can start within a family, a group of friends, or a community, but more importantly it can start with "me" first...healing "myself" and humbling "myself" to be healed as the first step to heal others...and heal their worlds....

"White Lies"

crazy get together wearing White Lies tees...

http://whiteliesbkk.blogspot.com/ loves it!!

black and white insanity = "zebra"

camwhorin...this is wat happens when i go to bed early...i really can't
black spandex shirt - 80s shop platinum
zebra skirt - onnut square
silver shoes - footwork
necklaces n earrings - from tita grace :)
bracelets - chinatown n platinum...
sunglasses - suan lum night bazaar

The Last Grip...

July is my favorite month of the year simply because it's the month I was born in...and every year I look forward to it in excitement because I will always have a big party with my family and friends...

this year it was different...it turned out to be the worst month of my whole year because I lost someone very important and close to me...I lost my grandma 3 days before my birthday and for first time in my life I said goodbye to someone I love, touching her and whispering my last words to her in her death bed...

..to have someone so close to me die, felt like I was being ripped, stabbed and punched all at the same time...the hurt stings and it continues to sting because it leaves a big bruise, a bruise that can't fade away...because that bruise reminds me of her...it still hurts so much because I miss her and I feel that I didn't do my best to show that I love her....


...Just imagine that the first time I ever held her so close to me was when she was already half-unconcious in the hospital...the first time I ever said I love you to her was when she was fighting for her life...and the first time I printed her picture and put it on a frame was for her wake...

I did these things too late...I did things to show her I love her too late....and she won't be here again... and it's so painful...because until now I'm still full of regret...and she will never know face to face that I love her so much...


I never believed on life being short, because we live it..we waste it...we savor it...we trash it...but I never anticipated of not having it...she was taken away by surprise, like a robbery happening, only difference is you don't know who to run after to get what u lost back...you only have to stand there in the middle of nowhere...accepting that she will never be returned to you...

It's another lesson learned again, a slap in the face....that you never go a day not saying I love you to the one you love..because you'll never know when they'll be taken away....

I miss you mommy Lyds and thank you for that last grip you gave me before you left reminding us to never lose hope..and always keep fighting until our last breath...i love you..

"Milktography"

I really need a break from everything happening in my life right now...If I write about it, its going to be depressing...So I'll write about something else before I leave the office and go to the hospital...and before they close the elevator...

As an account planner, a part of my job is to look for trends, and I stumbled into this website called http://www.trendhunter.com/ it really has a lot of cool stuff about trends and it helps me alot in submitting monthly trend reports but what i love most about the site is the fashion photography it features and its all classified into categories too..so its so easy to find... so there was a week when I was just doing MILK all products and I came upon these photos...

I love photography the best when its partnered with movement and I think these photos with ladies posing with milk might be another great way to convince men or the general public to drink milk...

If milk was advertise like this when I was 5 years old, I'd probably drink it everyday without knowing the nutrients it gives me!!!hehehe...so check it out

High-Fashion Milktography:

Love the hair and Make-Up

Love the colors of the pictures

"This is the new way to drink milk without drinking it"

Andrey Razumovsky photos....(below)

i love this picture Milk+Dance = True Beauty

SURPRISE*

Many say that for someone to be a great dancer, one has to possess the gift of timing and coordination, you have to have the rhythm of the music and beats imprinted in your soul...so that dance or any kind of movement flows out of you naturally....

but no matter how i try to perfect my timing in dance, the reality is, there's really no timing for anything...sometimes life will take you by surprise and you'll just be off beat and stumble and fall...

that's how my life went last week, i was in my performance rhythm, dance here, practice here, buy costumes at this hour, sleepover here, prepare this and that, meet deadlines, try to get sleep

and then everything just went to a stop when I got a phone call, that my grandma fell and had a stroke....no one has ever had a stroke in our family before and I was so scared....

....I kept reminding myself of my grandma, this woman, so strong, independent, and stubborn, she doesn't want anyone to worry about her, she dances to the beat of her own drum...

and yet when I saw her, she lying there peacefully, so weak and helpless, and sick. It was a painful sight to see and its a memory that still vivid in my mind...

...so we just prayed...we stormed heaven with prayers hoping she'll be alright and she'll be back to normal...but more sad news came when we knew that her medication didn't work and we had no other choice but brain surgery....

...the worse thing was when i heard this news i wasn't even close to her cuz i had dance rehearsals, so I freaked out in the corner and had screaming sobs, luckily my dance teacher shared words that soothed me for a while...and then I just danced and once again it performed its magic. Everytime I'm in sitautions I can't handle, it's only dance coupled with prayer that can makes me feel no pain...so I practiced as best as I could, and when I stopped dancing to go to the hospital I cried again....

I thank God that the operation was successful, my grandma is now out of the ICU and recovering fast, and as for my dance performance, it was a success...

My biggest dream is to be the best dancer in the world...preferabbly one with great timing and effortless movements...but what I should become is a great dancer who not only perfects timing in dance but also in situations that can take me by surprise and can knock me down....

I want to be the best dancer I can be as well be the best dancer in dancing through these shocking moments in my life with passion, grace and perfect rhythm...

At Last...

So these past few weeks have been crazy and I had so many breakdowns in between...

I don't know why my emotions always swallow me...but I often find myself in a bathroom cubicle sobbing quietly, screaming silently on how I'm not happy and why I'm going through this misery.....

...but then the sobs die down and I compose myself and I think everything through and then I everything will be okay again at least for now...

...I learned so much in these past few weeks and once again I was really humbled....

I got to be reminded that sometimes I'm not aware that my actions hurt people and that alot of the stress I have on me is really just self inflicted, I was just too scared to confront myself and tell "me" that I do have a flaw, a problem...and sometimes I'm not the best in whatever I do...

..but then again I think God really loves me because He saved me again...

I find myself always wanting to learn it the hard way that I'm already hanging on a thread

but then He saves me again and again and again...

....I learned that despite my victory of being single for 6 months, a part of me is really depressed of the fact that all the men I dated and loved were wrong for me and at some point they all cheated on me...Urgh!!!cheating...I hate this word....but even if I was the victim of it, still I hope and think positively and dumbly that they will change for the better and that I did change them for the better when they were with me...but so what??what does it mean??when in the end I'm still the one left alone, I'm still the one who stands strong and watch them as they have another girl hours after....

...I also learned that inside I complain too much about everything but I won't do anything to change it because im afraid...a big part of me is scared of change...I have so much fears of the dreams I want to follow...I doubt and question myself on something I do so well....

but I want it more than anything....

....haay..i'm complicated, weird, and confused at many times...but I hope that I would change for the better..and really fight for something I've wanted for soo long...

..in time...we'll see...

Sharing the Passion*

Just imagine driving on the road....and suddenly you see a sexy Madonna/Kate Moss look alike in a mini lace dress with a bright red lips
...you slow down....
then you see a very colorful bubbly Dorothy carrying her red shoes looking lost
...you stop wanting to help her....but didn't...
and just as you were about to step on your accelerator...
you see two sizzling HOT chicks in a biker grunge rock clothes ready to destroy anything that comes their way...
you now get out of your car and witness this free breathtaking experience...

...if you were driving around rama9 road on a saturday morning you will be having the pleasure enjoying the view, because we definitely stopped cars last weeked...luckily no accident happened!!!
...so three sets with 2 beautiful models and pairing up with an amazing stylist, my friend natalie...
as my cousin marise said "sharing is loving".... so in this shoot i shared my passion in make-up and styling with nat...and it turned out really good cuz shes a rockin stylist!!watch out new yorkers, she's coming your way soon...
...so we had 2 weeks to prepare for our concepts and we got down to 2, "grunge rock and dorothy from wizard of oz"...as nat was busy making the clothes for the shoot, i was researching for references of make-up to match the styling...and i was so happy it turned out good!!!

i had to use so much black make-up on this shoot..and black eyeshadow has always been my frenemy in make-up..its sooo hard to use..becuz once it smears..u have to do the foundation all over again...but it looks very good in photos...
..i also stumbled this hair salon shop on my way to buying more make-up so i got myself the right tools to make bouffant hair!!!and it really works!!!
i love this shoot because i got time to experiment more with make-up and hair without worrying about the styling...thanks to nat... it's not often you get to work with a good stylist!!!
and i had 4 make-up changes in limited time and still it turned out alright...wooohoo...

so this is our work of art!!!
photos from my godfather: Manny Librodo
and his workshop attendee: Andrew Koran

a pinch of pain...

because i love her...and i can't make her happy...- Chuck Bass

before this line was delivered on GG, i was already covering my mouth, afraid to let out a wail, and tears were on the rim of my eyes...

and then he said it..and I felt the pain of realization and tears just won't stop flowing out of my eyes...and after the episode I went to my room..and cried again...

...it's true..sometimes we tend to just jump into relationships because of what we feel for the person we love...thinking that it's all gonna work out...that eventually we'll all just figure it out...

"me and you" against the world"

but the brutal truth is..there are relationships that are really not meant to work...because of many things, may it be the different lives you bought have, or the culture you were brought up in, or the bad habits you can't stand, or both of your unwillingness to compromise, and the fact that no matter how you try you can't make each other happy...

but sometimes we just want to fight, we dive in, submerging ourselves in agony only realizing in the end that there is realli nothing to fight for...and that we're better off on our own, loving that somone on the sides, until we recover and find ourselves again....

and i just LOVE this moment C&B and her Marc Jacobs Joelle Scalloped dress....

The Queen* of our Hearts...

Belated Happy Mother's Day...to all mom's out there...especiall to my MOM!!!

i wanted this day to be very special for all moms and it was perfect timing since we had all moms gathered in our monthly church community assembly....What we did was write a personal letter to our mothers, then we prayed over them, gave them roses, and hugged them endlessly...I took loads of pics, i just had to document that moment and it's breathtaking to see children of all ages just hugging their moms, showing their love in their own way....

I know I don't say it often but I LOVE YOU MOM, all four of us do...and you just continue to make us all feel special everyday by having you in our lives

...we have the best mom in the world...what more can we ask for!!mwaaaaaaaah!!!

LIPSHTICK JUNGLE*

I am finally back in my world of styling and make-up, thanks for having the privilege of a godfather, who's a world renowned photographer...

...of course this shoot went to its usual process..thinking of themes and concepts, finding inspiration and references, SHOPPING, and the preparation time before the shoot...

the onli difference is, i got a chance to prepare, thanks to labor day holiday, i got to SHOP with my cousin Marise, (stylist/MUA and my partner in crime) glue my props and even sew my costumes!!!

...On this shoot I wanted something colorful and dark, so I chose a "Carribean" fruitdelicious inspired theme and my favorite mixture of black and white, a "Zebra" goddess...

...It feels good to once again ignite my passion for colors and make-up...

Here's how it went...enjoy the my art and wicked pictures from the master itself "Manny Librodo"...

carribean fruitdelicious*

model: Jamie Lynn

make-up: foundation: NU SKIN

eyes, cheeks, lips: 4U2 and Gino Mcray

ZEBRA goddess...

Manny's FAVE and mine too!!

back to GLAMOUR...

As a full blooded Filipina, I really love to party, and I think all Filipinos do. And I think I grew up in a family who has that "cant stay still" disease. We as a family always find ourselves in engagement with performances, shows, contests, fundraising events, church gatherings and never ending practices. I think before a year starts out our iterinaries are already full. That's why if you ever see me on the beach with my whole family, it would probably be one miraculous weekend that we're FREE!!!

I can't say I'm not having fun in this hectic schedule, I LOVE it, because I think I'll go crazy if I ever stay still.

So our most recent agenda was to PARTAAYYY at"Celine's Debutante Ball last week. Yes, it does actually happen in Bangkok, for Filipinos at least.

A debut is a tradition in the Philippines and other countries I think, to celebrate a lady's 18th birthday with a very big party. It's like her coming out party, welcoming her to the world of adulthood and I think we used to say, "she's now legal to have a boyfriend." which I didn't follow, and now I wish I had, so I'd still be innocent from men. Now I know what the elders mean. :)

Anyways, a BIG part of a debut in the Philippines is the Cotilion, which is a waltz dance with the selected 18 partners of the debutante. My mom choreographed Celine's cotilion and we added spice to it by not just sticking to the normal waltz of the flower music, we added a little bit of hip-hop salsa and bachata. So it was HOT and fun.

Then there's the "18 roses" where the debutante selects her 18 special guys to dance with. And then, there's the "18 candles" where the 18 closest lady friends and relatives of the debutate gives her a wish, which my mom, my 2 sisters, and I did.

Also, since I love making up concepts when it comes to parties and fashion. Celine and I came up with "OLD HOLLYWOOD" which would bring back everyone to the glamorous lives of 1920s and 1930s Hollywood. It was perfect since we already had the debutante as the "Star of the Night, the Oscars Best Actress, and best-dressed in the red carpet!!!

Of course in the end only a few ended up looking OLD HOLLYWOOD, I did of course. I need to live up to my concept!!!hehehe...But nevertheless it was a FUN night, I get to be young as a highschool again, camwhore all night long, rule the dance floor with my sistahs and see Celine really have her night as a full grown lady!!! Welcome to the world girl!!

Here's a glimpse of our RED CARPET!!!

Celine and I...the debutante and the make-up artist...

with all the finishing touches...

my FASHIONISTA family...

glimpses of the ball...the performances...the cake...the spectators...

"You're exactly my brand of heroin" -Edward Cullen

“and so the lion fell in love with the lamb” - Edward

“What a stupid lamb” - Bella

“what a sick masochistic lion” -Edward

the twilight saga...need I say more??? girls, ladies, women, and men all over the world have fallen head over heels over our beloved "Edward Cullen." Who wouldn't?? I did!!!

I guess women in general are always finding that perfect man, someone who'll love you forever, someone who's willing to die for you, someone who only cares about your happiness, someone who brings a taste of danger into their lives. I admit I fall in this category. I had my moments of dreaming about Edward/Rob in the clearing, feeling his cold skin, and I swore I wanted to date a vampire...

But the fact is, twilight books are made for young adults, because its fun, fictional, and an entertaining read...

but as a reality check, who would date a vampire?? unless they exist... :)

But I guess these books gave girls or women hope, that someday there will be an Edward for everyone, not as polite and formal, or as perfect as his white marble skin, or as flawless as his velvet voice, but someday there will be a man for every woman, who will always be there to protect you...who will accept you no matter what...

and will love you throughout his whole existence....

At least that's what I dream for...

But daydreaming aside not only has the "twilight saga" influenced women's hearts all over the world, it also made an impact in some of styles of fashion...

I came across this "teenvogue" April shoot...their "Twilight" style prom...

I know prom is all about being glamorous and pretty with your escorts and limosines

but there's definitely another way to glamorously rock it

this is to my sisters.....get ready for your prom!!!

...check it out...

rob pattinson is just HOT here...



teenvogue april 2009

i love this tutu dress...
but this simple piece rocks them all...