Emptying My Cup

Like this cup, you are full of opinions and speculations. To see the light of wisdom... you first must empty your cup. - 2012

I've stopped writing since my heart broke into a million pieces with an unexpected happening this year. It's weird because I used to pour my heart out on paper, whether it's in a blog or in a diary. I've been a coward to bring back memories that would hurt me all over again, because I couldn't handle the pain just yet. But as time is the greatest healer, I am getting there, hence the writing.

As I speculate on what to write for the next entry of my blog, blank thoughts come to mind since there's just so much to write about but I don't know where to start. Fortunately, a line from the recent movie I just watched (2012) organized my mind and made me decide that I will write about this year...

2.0.0.9. What more can I say about this year as it comes to an end. It is the most memorable year of my growing years. (20s) Not only has this year been exciting and fun, it has also been painful and heartbreaking. This year...the Lord emptied my cup so He can fill me up again... I wanted to learn things the hard way as stubborn as I am so He took things and people away from me...only to let me learn more about the magnitude of His love...

This year I lived without a boyfriend and I was free from the drama of men. I didn't know I could do it at first because someone always comes along, but I was prayerful that He will keep my heart at peace until I find the special person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. He taught me that true freedom happens when you can say no to yourself. Not entertaining men for one year taught me alot about self-control and letting myself know of what I am looking for. Now it's very simple...I know what kind of man I want and I won't give in to other men until I find the right one... or who knows maybe he will find me. It will just happen in His time...

I lost one of the most important people in my life this

year. It's painful. I always cry like a baby when I get my heart broken, times that with a 100 and that's how I felt when I lost my grandma. I knew life is precious and short when I held her hand on her deathbed and whispered I love you to her. I knew I didn't appreciate her much when I was buying her

first picture frame from me for her casket. I knew I didn't spend much time with her when she can't recall any memory of me when she was telling everyone elses. To this day I am still beating myself up with these regrets and it's unhealthy but I wish I could have changed things. It just made me realize how important life is and how important "family" is and that life is too short to be angry with people I love, so I live each day appreciating them more and embracing them with my love.

This year God keeps testing me with the things I fear in life. They say the things you fear are the things that happened to you before that you never want repeated again. And one of those things I've been avoiding happened. After 5 years of being injury-free, I accidentally slipped on a dance routine that I fell hard and twisted my knee. I was at that time savoring the moments of my dream coming true, I felt like a dancer before the injury. I was determined to fight for my dream even if I didn't have enough rest and I was juggling too many things. I didn't care, I was happy. But He had other plans, if injuring me was the only way I can rest and take a break from my hectic life, then He had to do it. I couldn't walk properly for 2 weeks so I had to find ways to be productive without walking. I couldn't dance for 2 months, so I focused myself with work. The old me would have been angry with the world but the new me, knew better. I didn't let this experience paralyze me. I learned to appreciate what I have more while I was incapable of doing what I love most. I learned that His plan for me was big and that I am meant for bigger things. Katrina is not just a dancer, She a dancer of God who has a heart of a mission volunteer and will always be ready to dance in God's perfect choreography of spreading His love to the whole world. He didn't take dance away from me, because I will always have it, that gift lies in my soul and I will always strive to develop it no matter how scared I am to get hurt again. I am fortunate to be blessed with people who believes in me and never gives up in supporting my dream.

This year I was confidently filled with worldly opinions and contemplations that the Lord had to empty me in so many ways but in the end my cup is always overflowing with love to give...He simply told me to love..because you lose nothing when you give love...

So "love"...and when it hurts..love even more...